Another Day 3

. . . and I want a smoke.

This will be a daily occurrence for about two weeks. Then the cravings will taper off, but they never, ever, really leave. In a year it will be like a mild tickle. Right now its a teeth-grinding pressure-cooker of irritability and restlessness.

I'm trying to think about it like a long run - it hurts when you first start but by the end the endorphin rush makes you forget how bad it was in the beginning. You just have to push through the beginning.

Pushing. . . .

Another Day 2

48 hours since my last cigarette. Wish I could say the same about alcohol. Last night was sailing, and sailing and drinking, at least in this area, seem to go hand in hand. I did moderate though, not having a beer until the race was over and the boat put away. My usual practice was to start drinking as soon as I got home from work and continue until going to bed several hours and twice as many beers later.

By most definitions I would be considered at the least a problem drinker. Seems like polite society likes to define anything more than two alcoholic beverages a day more than once or twice a week as problem drinking.

Well, by my own definition I've been problem drinking these past few years. That fact was reinforced when I woke up Monday with a hangover, grabbed the trash under the sink to take outside, and saw the empty fifth of tequila surrounded by empty beers cans.

Now, I had some help, but still two people putting away a fifth of tequila and beers on a Sunday afternoon is what I would term excessive.

Certainly for a 48 year old man. And his 45 year old girlfriend.

So I only had five beers last night. That's an improvement for me.

24 Hours and $8.00 Richer

$8.00. That's what a pack of Camel non-filters costs. Most days I smoked a pack. Heavy drinking sessions can raise that to two packs a day.

I created a large space on the white board in my office cube where I wrote a big 8 when I came in this morning. Tomorrow morning, if I don't buy any cigarettes, I'll change it to a 16. And so forth.

Maybe by having this large, visible proof of the money I save by not buying cigarettes I'll find the motivation to stay off them.

Too simple? Sometimes simple is the most effective.

We'll see.

Here I Go Again

Sometimes I wonder if its worth trying to keep quitting, but when I'm sober I remember what it felt like to be healthy. And I want to feel like that again.

I just read the last blog post. Wondering when the relapse occurred. Wait, I know. It occurred after I had a drink. And then another drink. And so on.

So here I go again. One thing I know for certain: I'm going to to have bad days. I'm going to have good days. The challenge is getting through the bad days without having a drink. The good days too.

Wish me luck.