Nicotine Withdrawal Symptoms

Since I'm currently experiencing several of these, let me list the mental and physical symptoms I've experienced when quitting nicotine:

• Irritability
• Oversensitive hearing and skin
• Inability to concentrate
• Nervousness
• Depression
• Muscle tension

Sounds milder than the side-effects of some of the more heavily advertised anti-depressants.

Also, the nicotine seemed to hinder my RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). It's coming back, but hasn't gotten too sever yet (severe for me is having to get out of bed and walk around for several minutes).

Day 8 Feels Better

Almost forgot I was still addicted for a while this morning. That's a good sign. Slept in and blew off exercising this morning. That felt good too. Neck is still stiff, maybe a day of rest will let me get up and try again tomorrow. Weight is down a couple of pounds - surprised at that. Sailing tonight - will try to keep the number of beers below five.

Day 7 - Depressed

Day 7 not going so well. Spent Saturday and Sunday drinking. Monday was recovery, but could feel a lot of tension in my shoulders. Woke up this morning and decided I needed to go for a run. Somehow pulled a muscle in my neck doing pushups, but went for the run (more like a shuffle). First time running in several months. Body wasn't too happy with me, but I did a mile and half. Took some ibuprofen and extra-strength acetaminophen for the pulled muscle but it still hurts like hell and I still have a lot of tension in my shoulders.

Angry and depressed. But this is a sign the part of my brain thats addicted to the nicotine is realizing its not getting anymore. And its fighting back.

Past experience tells me it will be like this on and off for the next couple of weeks. Just have to take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

I know I can do this, because I've done it before.

Another Day 3

. . . and I want a smoke.

This will be a daily occurrence for about two weeks. Then the cravings will taper off, but they never, ever, really leave. In a year it will be like a mild tickle. Right now its a teeth-grinding pressure-cooker of irritability and restlessness.

I'm trying to think about it like a long run - it hurts when you first start but by the end the endorphin rush makes you forget how bad it was in the beginning. You just have to push through the beginning.

Pushing. . . .

Another Day 2

48 hours since my last cigarette. Wish I could say the same about alcohol. Last night was sailing, and sailing and drinking, at least in this area, seem to go hand in hand. I did moderate though, not having a beer until the race was over and the boat put away. My usual practice was to start drinking as soon as I got home from work and continue until going to bed several hours and twice as many beers later.

By most definitions I would be considered at the least a problem drinker. Seems like polite society likes to define anything more than two alcoholic beverages a day more than once or twice a week as problem drinking.

Well, by my own definition I've been problem drinking these past few years. That fact was reinforced when I woke up Monday with a hangover, grabbed the trash under the sink to take outside, and saw the empty fifth of tequila surrounded by empty beers cans.

Now, I had some help, but still two people putting away a fifth of tequila and beers on a Sunday afternoon is what I would term excessive.

Certainly for a 48 year old man. And his 45 year old girlfriend.

So I only had five beers last night. That's an improvement for me.

24 Hours and $8.00 Richer

$8.00. That's what a pack of Camel non-filters costs. Most days I smoked a pack. Heavy drinking sessions can raise that to two packs a day.

I created a large space on the white board in my office cube where I wrote a big 8 when I came in this morning. Tomorrow morning, if I don't buy any cigarettes, I'll change it to a 16. And so forth.

Maybe by having this large, visible proof of the money I save by not buying cigarettes I'll find the motivation to stay off them.

Too simple? Sometimes simple is the most effective.

We'll see.

Here I Go Again

Sometimes I wonder if its worth trying to keep quitting, but when I'm sober I remember what it felt like to be healthy. And I want to feel like that again.

I just read the last blog post. Wondering when the relapse occurred. Wait, I know. It occurred after I had a drink. And then another drink. And so on.

So here I go again. One thing I know for certain: I'm going to to have bad days. I'm going to have good days. The challenge is getting through the bad days without having a drink. The good days too.

Wish me luck.

Down Today

And I don't know exactly why.

Felt great yesterday. Girlfriend came over over dinner and even though I wanted to join her for a drink I stuck with diet Coke. Made omelets and hash browns and biscuits and watched a movie. Went to bed sober and woke up feeling fine.

But something happened between now and then and I'm not sure what though I have my suspicions. A past failure, something I wanted to achieve but failed to do so, was brought back to center stage. And so I've been beating myself up for failing at something that in all reality was likely beyond my power to change, at least in a meaningful way.

I've been stuck in a could've would've should've loop all morning. It will eventually fade away on it's own, but for now its damned hard to get excited about anything.

Time. Time cures everything that hurts.

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

A week ago this time I was still processing the alcohol I'd ingested the day before (a Sunday): an Irish coffee followed by a whole bunch of beer. In fact, while at a late dinner with friends, I managed to down three bottles of Guiness.

The next day I felt my usual self - not hungover exactly, but tired and unmotivated and nothing to look forward to but my next drunk.

Except I didn't get drunk. That evening I smoked the last cigarette in the last pack from the last carton I'd bought for $60.00 before Christmas holidays and went to bed knowing that I'd finally reached the place I knew would come to sooner or later - the point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time.

Now, a week later, I find myself waking up and looking forward to the day. I haven't done that in a long time - at least a year. I'm chewing nicotine gum again - lots of it - but its not nearly as expensive as the cigarettes I was buying and it doesn't make my clothes and breath stink. And I got a lot of work done this weekend on a project I've been neglecting for the past nine months.

I'm excited to be excited again. This feels good. And I'm not going to ruin it with a drink.