Relapse

Right back where I started from.

How did it happen? I'll tell you how it happened - I got drunk, I got depressed, I got a hold of cigarette.

It was the booze - if I hadn't gotten drunk I wouldn't have become depressed and I wouldn't have grabbed that cigarette.

But that smoke instantly improved my mental state. I hadn't had a smoke in two months and hadn't had any nicotine for two weeks. The two to four week period of withdrawal is the most dangerous for relapses in my experience.

But its never too late to try again and try again I will, starting Monday, January 4th. But this time I'll have to swear off the booze for at least six weeks.

Actually, if I swore off the booze for ever it wouldn't hurt, but then I wouldn't have anything in common with my friends. The fact is I like to drink, and I like people who drink. Most people who don't drink bore me (there have been exceptions to that rule) and I think I scare or disgust them.

But periods of sobriety aren't new to me. I went for four months without a drop while deployed to Saudi Arabia ten years ago. It wasn't my choice - General Order #1 forbade the consumption of alcohol by U.S. troops. It was the quietest four months of my life - also the healthiest (I dropped forty pounds in those four months through diet and daily exercise).

There have been times in my life when I didn't get drunk for months at a time. The last time I went dry was four years ago. No booze for six weeks (although I did cheat once and have a glass of wine with a really nice steak). Extended periods of sobriety have become the exception rather than the rule for me these past six years.

What I remember about that six weeks was that I was still able to enjoy the company of my drinking friends for short periods of time. In fact, it was kind of fun to watch them go from sober to smashed and know that I would wake up the next morning with a clear head and happy stomach.

Another thing that has to change is my diet. Too much pizza, too much bread, too much of everything. So I go on a diet next Monday too. And I start exercising six days a week again too. I've put on so much weight I can't fit into my fat-boy pants anymore (42" gut trying to fit into a 38" waist!).

So in a few more days I'll start over. Until then, I'll smoke, drink, and eat what I want.