I'm Fat Again, Dammit

This isn't the usual holiday bloat - I've been working on this for most of the past year.

I'm 6'1 and weigh around 240 pounds. Friends say I don't look fat, but my pants disagree. When I was in the service I used to wear a 36" waist. Now I wear a 38" waist and I have to button my trousers under my belly.

It's uncomfortable and its disgusting. How did I get this way?

I know exactly how this happened, because its happened before. My life can be defined by my fat/thin cycles. During one fat cycle many years ago I was put on the fat-boy list, meaning I exceeded Uncle Sugar's height and weight standards (I was put on the list after failing an annual body-fat check). Part of the formal process was consultation with a doctor. Because I didn't have a history of failing body-fat or weigh-in checks (I always managed to lose enough weight before the test) the doctor told me I was on "reward/punishment cycle", meaning I would punish myself through dieting and exercise and, after reaching my goal, would reward myself by not dieting and not exercising. Unfortunately, he never revealed how to break the cycle.

At this time a year ago I was in the process of getting a divorce. My now ex-wife had moved into another bed room and I was free to do what I wanted. I dieted and I exercised. For the first time in several years I got my weight below 210 pounds. Friends and co-workers complemented me on my new slim profile. My 38" pants got too big and I even bought a pair of 36" pants (that I never wore and are still hanging in my closet waiting for me to drop those few last pounds).

But then I began to celebrate my new found freedom through drinking. I drank everyday after work and all day on the weekdays. My girlfriend drank too. We had a great time, spending entire weekends in my pool drinking beer or rum and cokes or both and watching baseball. We went to pizza joints and split large pizzas. We grilled big rib-eyes and downed a bottle or two of wine with each meal. We took the boat out frequently, always with a cooler overflowing with beer and ice.

Good times.

But now I'm fat again (maybe the fattest I've ever been) and I'm sick of it. So come the first Monday of the new year I'll start a new punishment cycle - diet and exercise. The funny thing is, I always look forward to these periods of self-denial. I really get into it, especially the exercise. I like to run. I like to get up at 4:00 a.m. and go to the gym. I really like it when my pants fit.

So, how can I break this cycle? I have every confidence I can do this because I've done it before. But how do I do it forever? How do I prevent myself from entering another year-long reward cycle?

How?